14 miles and a pair of vampire bites

My long run was moved up to this morning because our Sunday is filled up with a company cookout and a rock concert. Since I might have to skip tomorrow, I decided to crank the distance up a bit. The weather was pretty nice and I felt great, so I wasn’t expecting any trouble.

Sadly, about a third of a mile from the house I discovered and itch on my back. I whipped my left arm around, scratched as needed, and heard a couple of high-pitched beeps. It seems that my big, clunky GPS watch isn’t compatible with a double-jointed person’s choice of scratching positions. I had managed to hit the “lap” and “stop timer” buttons in one fell swoop. Awesome. I tried to correct it a couple of times, but it still wasn’t right and I eventually gave up. My splits are just going to be funky today.

Around the 9th mile I realized that my Body Glyde had worn off and my shorts were attacking me in several places. My tank top was a little more civil about it, deciding to merely mock and harrass my nipples instead of giving them a proper chaffing. (I normally consider today’s running shorts to the be the “good” ones, but clearly I need to rethink that designation.) I wound up walking a little, but I got home.

Surprise Attack from Invisible Back Vampires

Everything seemed okay until I got into the shower. I’ve chaffed my nipples before, so I’m familiar with the sudden sting of water over the wounds. It was the searing pain in my back that caught me by surprise. You see, my “good” shorts are apparently attempting to drill holes into my lower back, possibly in a bid for spinal control. There are two small round wounds on each side, almost as if a pair of tiny vampire pixies had flown in sideways to get a generous swig of Vin Rouge de Brian. I believe the correct web term for this is “WTF”.

You know, I’ve been through a lot since I started doing this. I’ve had knee trouble, ankle trouble, Plantar Fasciitis, bruises, bleeding nipples, and the standard bane of all runners, Ugly Feet. I’ve even had a poorly placed iPod Shuffle dig into my hip over a few miles. These little circles on my back are a new one, however.

I should probably check the seams on that waistband, but it will have to wait. I’m clean now, and my running clothes are already stuffed into a ziplock bag in the hamper. Their horrible stench will not be released until Laundry Day.